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Friday, 28 November 2014

Tinseltown's taking over panto! Oh, yes they are! From Linda Gray and Priscilla Presley to David Hasselhoff and Jerry Hall

 


Priscilla Presley in Snow White And The Seven Dwarfs
Priscilla Presley in Snow White And The Seven Dwarfs
Americans Priscilla Presley, Jerry Hall, Linda Gray and David Hasselhoff are hamming it up as panto baddies this year — oh, yes they are! — while Warwick Davis, Ashleigh and Pudsey and assorted soap stars try to save the day.
They’re just some of the big names appearing in festive shows across the country. Here PATRICK MARMION selects his favourites . . . 
SNOW WHITE AND THE SEVEN DWARFS
WHERE: Manchester Opera House (0844 871 3018/atgtickets.com).
WHEN: December 5 to January 4.
STAR ATTRACTION: Priscilla Presley, Warwick Davis.
FESTIVE BILLING: Elvis’s ex-wife Priscilla is one of two former Dallas actresses muscling in on British panto this year. Leslie Nielsen’s co-star in the Naked Gun movies will be seeking to secure the supremacy of her beauty in her fairytale kingdom with the aid of a nice, shiny, very non-organic apple for Snow White.
Priscilla is joined on stage by actor Warwick Davis, of Life’s Too Short and Star Wars fame, who’ll be leading out the Seven Dwarfs as Prof.
TICKETS: £10-£39.50.
CINDERELLA 
WHERE: New Wimbledon Theatre (0844 871 7646/atgtickets.com).
WHEN: December 5 to January 11.
STAR ATTRACTION: Linda Gray, Tim Vine, Matthew Kelly, Wayne Sleep.
FESTIVE BILLING: Proving that Americans can be more than just our panto villains, Dallas star Linda Gray will be making her pantomime debut as the Fairy Godmother in Cinderella.
She’ll be joined by comedian and pun-meister Tim Vine as Buttons, with Matthew Kelly and his son Matthew Rixon as the trussed-up Ugly Sisters.
Wayne Sleep appears as Cinders’ mistaken Prince Dandini alongside real-life Shetland ponies.
TICKETS: £10-£39.50. 
Jerry Hall is appearing at Richmond Theatre, London
Jerry Hall is appearing at Richmond Theatre, London
JACK AND THE BEANSTALK
WHERE: Birmingham Hippodrome (0844 338 5000/birmingham hippodrome.com).
WHEN: December 19 to January 2.
STAR ATTRACTION: Duncan James, Gary Wilmot, Chris Gascoyne and Jane McDonald.
FESTIVE BILLING: Duncan, from boyband Blue, is our Jack in Brum this Christmas as he trades in the prize heifer for a bag of beans.
Musical theatre stalwart Gary Wilmot, meanwhile, pulls on the frock as Dame Trot, Jack’s Mum, and Jane McDonald, the cruise singer and Loose Women panellist from Wakefield, is the Enchantress. Chris Gascoyne from Corrie plays slithery, villainous Fleshcreep, Royal Variety Show veteran ventriloquist Paul Zerdin (he’s been in three) is Simple Simon and EastEnder Matt Slack (he played PC Gregg Preston) clocks in as Silly Billy. They’ll all be tossing their comedy fertiliser on the festive beanstalk.
TICKETS: £14-£40.
DICK WHITTINGTON
WHERE: Bristol Hippodrome (0844 871 3012/atgtickets.com).
WHEN: December 6 to January 4.
STAR ATTRACTION: Ashleigh and Pudsey.
FESTIVE BILLING: Ah yes, Dick Whittington and his . . . dog? Have no fear though — Simon Cowell may have anointed BGT stars Ashleigh and Pudsey as one of his favourite ever acts — but CBeebies gardener Mr Bloom (the actor Ben Faulks) is still playing Dick and will certainly have a cat. Ashleigh and Pudsey play Alice Fitzwarren and her faithful pooch. Plus there’s a 3-D underwater adventure.
TICKETS: £10-£39.50
PETER PAN
David Hasselhoff as Captain Hook
David Hasselhoff as Captain Hook
WHERE: Southend Cliffs Pavilion (01702 351135/south endtheatres.org.uk).
WHEN: December 13 to January 11.
STAR ATTRACTION: David Hasselhoff, Christopher Biggins.
FESTIVE BILLING: This one is surely the transatlantic battle of the panto Titans.
In the U.S. corner we have Baywatch legend David ‘The Hoff’ Hasselhoff, who’ll once again be sporting Captain Hook’s sharp and shiny pirate prosthesis.
But in the British corner we have panto colossus Christopher Biggins, making his Southend debut as Mrs Smee.
Biggins has survived the jungle in I’m A Celebrity and he’s kept hold of his trousers in many a West End farce, but it’s when he’s slipping into a panto frock that he comes into his own. So watch out Hoff, if the croc doesn’t get you, Biggins might!
TICKETS: £19.50-£35.50.
CINDERELLA
WHERE: Venue Cymru, Llandudno (01492 872000/ venuecymru.co.uk).
WHEN: December 13 to January 4.
STAR ATTRACTION: Jimmy Osmond.
FESTIVE BILLING: His great-great-great-grandfather is buried in Wales, and now U.S. singing star Jimmy Osmond finally makes his long-awaited debut in Llandudno! Jimmy first came to the nation’s attention in 1972, aged nine, with his hit single Long Haired Lover From Liverpool.
But the years have passed and now Jimmy’s thicker in the middle and thinner on top as Cinders’ dad Baron Hardup. Alongside Jimmy, Liverpool comedian John Evans, a Llandudno panto regular, will once more be popping his Buttons.
TICKETS: £14-£21.
SNOW WHITE AND THE SEVEN DWARFS
WHERE: Nottingham Theatre Royal (0115 989 5555/trch.co.uk).
WHEN: December 6 to January 11.
STAR ATTRACTION: Lesley Joseph, Sam Attwater.
FESTIVE BILLING: Birds Of A Feather star Lesley Joseph takes on Snow White’s wicked stepmother with her endlessly ingratiating mirror on the wall. Joining her is ex-EastEnder and Dancing On Ice contestant Sam Attwater, who’ll be the handsome prince foiling the queen’s evil plan to keep Snow White comatose.
TICKETS: £15-£31.50. 
Linda Gray in Cinderella
Linda Gray in Cinderella
SNOW WHITE AND THE SEVEN DWARFS
WHERE: Richmond Theatre (0844 871 7651/atgtickets.com).
WHEN: December 5 to January 11.
STAR ATTRACTION: Jerry Hall, Chris Jarvis.
FESTIVE BILLING: What is it about American celebrities and Snow White’s wicked stepmother? As well as Priscilla Presley’s star turn in Manchester, here comes leggy Jerry Hall — the 6ft ex of Sir Mick Jagger.
If Jerry’s there to draw in the grown-ups, the little ‘uns may be more interested in CBeebies’ presenter Chris Jarvis as Muddles. Musical theatre starlet Aimie Atkinson will be winning the affections of the seven lovable dwarfs.
TICKETS: £10-£39.50.
JACK AND THE BEANSTALK
WHERE: Plymouth Theatre Royal (01752 267222/theatreroyal.com).
WHEN: December 19 to January 17.
STAR ATTRACTION: Jeffrey Holland, Bobby Davro, John Challis, Chico.
FESTIVE BILLING: Singer Chico — X Factor 2005 quarter-finalist — plays young Jack, shimmying up and down the beanstalk to rob and slay the giant. Chico has a history of giant-killing — he knocked Madonna off the top of the singles chart in 2006 with It’s Chico Time.
This could be one of the rowdiest pantos, with Bobby Davro as Simple Simon and John Challis (Boycie form Only Fools And Horses) as the villain Fleshcreep.
Topping the lot is Jeffrey Holland, from TV shows Hi-de-Hi! and Oh, Doctor Beeching! who will be pulling on the panto dame’s boulder holder for the 43rd time. The traditional giant Blunderbore, however, will take the form of 3-D special effects.
TICKETS: £8.20-£33.20.
CINDERELLA
WHERE: Southampton, The Mayflower Theatre (02380 711811/mayflower.org.uk).
WHEN: December 13 to January 4.
STAR ATTRACTION: Brian Conley, Gok Wan.
FESTIVE BILLING: It’s a marriage made in panto heaven: comedian Brian Conley paired with fashionista Gok Wan as what else but the Fairy Gok-mother.
Last year, Conley flew over the heads of his audience in The Caribbean Pirates, but this year he’s come down to earth as Buttons. Gok, meanwhile, will be advising The Ugly Sisters on how to deal with their panto ‘bangers’ and ‘how to look good naked’. But his best advice will surely be kept for his on-stage girlfriend, actress/singer Kathryn Rooney, as Cinders.
TICKETS: £15-£37.50.
SNOW WHITE
WHERE: Sunderland Empire (0844 871 3022/atgtickets.com).
WHEN: December 12 to January 4.
STAR ATTRACTION: Su Pollard, Matt Lapinskas.
FESTIVE BILLING: It seems a bit harsh on Su Pollard, casting her as Snow White’s wicked stepmother. She always seemed quite nice! And she’s not even American. But with Jerry Hall and Priscilla Presley playing the same part in Richmond and Manchester, Su’s likely to be at the more lovable end of the step-daughter-poisoning spectrum.
She’s joined by ex-EastEnders’ heartthrob Matt Lapinskas (he played Anthony Moon and competed in Dancing On Ice last year) and CBeebies’ star Andrew Agnew, PC Plum in Balamory. And in this north-eastern neck of the woods, there’s a team of dwarfs who are liable to be singing ‘Why aye, why aye, it’s off to work we go...’
TICKETS: £10-£29.50.
CINDERELLA
WHERE: Wolverhampton Grand Theatre (01902 429212/grand theatre.co.uk).
WHEN: December 6 to January 18.
STAR ATTRACTION: Julian Clary, Joe Tracini, Niki Evans.
FESTIVE BILLING: Julian has practically copyrighted the role of Cinderella’s Dandini since doing it on ITV back in 2001. He’s one of the most sought-after panto performers in all the land. Here he comes again sprinkling his tart innuendo over proceedings along with his usual sugar-sweet stardust.
He shares the stage with Joe Pasquale’s son Joe Tracini from Hollyoaks, and former X Factor finalist Niki Evans as the Fairy Godmother.
TICKETS: £23-£27.50.
OLD MOTHER GOOSE
WHERE: York Theatre Royal (01904 623568/yorktheatreroyal.co.uk).
WHEN: December 11 to January 31.
STAR ATTRACTION: Berwick Kaler, David Leonard, Suzy Cooper.
FESTIVE BILLING: Yorkshire wouldn’t be the same without local panto giant Berwick Kaler — and, come to that, neither would Christmas. Berwick’s been running and starring in traditional, non-celebrity pantos at the Theatre Royal for 36 years.
This year he’s playing Mother Goose and while he may be as subtle as a Russian shot-putter, booming Berwick has his work cut out if he’s to overcome the evil fairy played by David Leonard, who recently appeared as ferocious Mrs Trunchbull in the West End’s Matilda.
With Martin Barrass as Mother Goose’s son in his 29th panto and actress Suzy Cooper (Casualty, The Bill, Doctors) as ‘her’ daughter in her 20th, there’s more festive pedigree here than in a Christmas Cruft’s show!
TICKETS: £11-£28.50.

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