'Don't mention the war!' has to be one of the most famous comedy lines in the world.
But
while the comedian who penned it has made millions laugh - and amassed
millions of dollars in the process - Faulty Towers star John Cleese's
personal life hasn't been as fruitful.
In
fact the 75-year-old Monty Python star would be the first to admit his
romantic history has been a bit of a turkey - but he's 'now very much
in love' with current wife Jennifer Wade.
Tense: Funnyman
John Cleese loses his sense of humour when he talks to Australian
presenter Liz Hayes on Sunday night about his divorce settlement on
Channel Nine's 60 Minutes
Photo bomb! British national treasure John and wife No 4 Jennifer Wade get photobombed in London
The
British national treasure married Jennifer, who at 43 is 32 years his
junior, in August 2012 and in an interview with Sunday Night's Liz Hayes
he says he's met his match, in love and humour.
John,
who was forced to pay an AU$24 million divorce settlement to his
ex-wife, US psychotherapist Alyce Faye Eichelberger, says it's the
humour that binds him and Jennifer together.
The
writer, actor and comedian told the Nine Network host he married the
British-born jewellery designer because: 'I think deep down I'm a
romantic.
'As I say God put me on the planet to understand women better so how am I going to do that?
'I'm
going to find another one. So I'm now very much in love with Jen - or
Fish as they calll her because she swims like a fish - and we laugh
immoderately and are wonderfully rude to each other.
'People think we're having a row and we're just falling about with laughter.'
Cheese: John's whose surname was originally Cheese, poses with Jennifer at an NSPCC bash in London
Hopefully
the couple that laughs together stays together as he's certainly not
laughing about the money he has had to pay to his American ex wife of 15
years Alyce. Far from it.
The couple wed in December 1992 and both have children from previous marriages but they had no children together.
When
they split in 2008 Alyce hired Prince Charles and Paul McCartney's
fierce lawyer Fiona Shackleton and outrageously ended up with more of
his fortune than the comedian.
His
vitriol against the famous lawyer, who has been dubbed the Steel
Magnolia for her fierce demeanor, and Alyce has been well documented -
but in this case it doesn't appear time is a healer.
He
sniped to Liz: 'She went after me really quite brutally by hiring the
nastiest - and I don't mean the second nastiest or the third nastiest -
but the nastiest lawyer in Santa Barbara.
'My wife went and hired this really nasty woman and I had to giver her $20 million. It's not fair.'
See that? That's my millions going up
in smoke: The comedian and actor poses with ex wife Alyce Faye who was
granted an AU $24 million divorce settlement thanks to teaming up with
fierce lawyer Fiona Shackleton
Que?: John, at the back, with his
Faulty Towers co-stars L-R: Prunella Scales, Connie Booth - who was both
his wife and co-writer of the popular series - and Andrew Sachs
But
like the true pro he is, the funnyman went back on the road and poured
all his heartbreak, anger and frustration into what he called the
Alimony Tour. And it made great material.
In
one clip he jokes, 'I call it the 'Alimony Tour' year II' or "Feeding
The Beast". 'And here's a recent photograph of my ex wife at a London
ATM helping herself to some of my money...
'Apparently
I got off lightly because my lawyer points out how much more I would
have had to pay my ex wife had she contributed anything to the
relationship,' he jokes,'...if we had children...or even a two-way
conversation.'
What the psychotherapist makes of it is anyone's guess as the warring duo haven't spoken since their acrimonious split.
'She
always said from the very beginning that if we broke up we would never
speak again,' he continues. 'And from the day that we broke up we have
never spoken.
'And I have decided it's an extremely good arrangement.'
Welcome: The cast of Faulty Towers reunited again for UK TV station GOLD's relaunch in 2009
Spamalot: I was once all smiles for the funnyman and ex Alyce Faye, who he hasn't spoken to in years
John's
was previously married to Connie Booth who co-wrote and starred
opposite him in the ward-wining legendary 12-show series Faulty Towers
as Polly, and they have a daughter, Cynthia.
He had a second daughter, Camilla, with his second wife, the late American actress Barbara Trentham.
Unsurprisingly
John has turned down a British life peerage - a noble hereditary titles
constituted by the ranks of British nobility and is part of the British
honours system - and a CBE.
He
cited the fact he'd have to stay in the UK in the British winter as the
main reason but also joked, 'why would you accept such a thing?'
But
the star, who has an Oscar nomination for Best Original Screenplay for A
Fish Called Wanda, still loves nothing more than ridiculing the British
class system with all its funny quaint customs.
And
he jokes that his dad, who actually changed the family surname from
Cheese to Cleese because he was fed up of being called 'fermented
cheese' told him the upper classes are actually baboons.
'Dad had been in India mixing with the upper middle classes,' he adds.
'And
he noticed how they behaved. It's really baboon behaviour - they're not
easily startled, they move very slowly all of the time...'
And
in his true anarchic style he jokes, 'if you look at the royals they
keep these cheek muscles rigid all the time and all the emotion is
completely superfluous and unnecessary - it's a straitjacket.
'That's upper class behaviour.'
The
actor, who was born in the sprawling English county of Somerset, has
just written his autobiography called So, Anyway... and in it details
how his lost his virginity in New Zealand.
He
jokes the country was so backward he left the UK, 'in July 1964 and I
arrived in New Zealand where it was 1922. They were clueless except at
rugby and cricket.'
And
of his virginity, which he lost whist there at the ripe old age of 24,
he tells the Network Nine host he was,'so ineffectual and ill at ease
with women that it was quite extraordinary when I look back at it.'
The
star, who has been in the business for more than 50 years, was studying
to be a lawyer when he got entrenched in comedy, and chose to sign for
the BBC to meet his parents' approval.
'As
it was the BBC,' he said during the 60 Minutes interview, 'I could sell
it to my parents - a bit like joining the civil services.
Soul-mate: 'People think we're having a row and we're just falling about with laughter,' John says of their love
'And if I was able to say there was a pension scheme...they they would say "fine, go into showbiz!"'
At
the age of 30 he founded the hilarious and completely random cult
comedy classic Monty Python with Terry Gilliam, Terry Jones, Eric Idle
and Michael Palin.
It
became a worldwide hit - so much so that when they announced their UK
reunion tour The Last Night of Monty Python earlier this year it sold
out in a record-breaking 43 seconds.
But
although they had fun getting together for their first major
collaboration in 30 years years John says the outrageous anarchy of
Monty Python is now a closed chapter.
He
said there was one moment when he looked out and 'saw 16,000 people but
I remember thinking, "how extraordinary that I don't feel excited?"
'That
was my emotional reaction and it wasn't a choice, and that's when I
think I realised I have the talents of an actor but not the temperament,
and I'm much happier writing.'
However he credits the award-winning show for providing him with his most favourite skit of all time.
'The silliest thing (I've done) was the fish slapping,' he continues.
'I
always say that I think some time in the future some poor student of
media studies is going to have to write an essay about what that means.
'But it is almost meaningless, and yet it's extraordinarily funny, and I love that.'
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