It’s a
strange trend, this sudden penchant for women to deny themselves the
use of their arms, to flap about the house like captive bats, knocking
ornaments over.
The
current trend for capes can be traced back to 2001 and Season Four of
Sex And The City, when Carrie Bradshaw donned a vintage navy wool
nurse’s cape to a party.
It
has appeared on the catwalk ever since, but women haven’t really taken
to it until this winter. Tellingly, M&S, misreading the zeitgeist,
tell me ‘it’s not a key coat shape for us this year’, while Vogue says,
‘a dramatic, skin-skimming cape is an instant game changer’. They
recommend a felt cape by Valentino for £2,595, which is pretty pricey
for a coat sans sleeves.
HO! HO! OH! Cyndi Lauper looks like a
deranged Gothic Santa. I had a velvet cape like this when I was six and
even then it was too girly. And why the sausage legs in leather? And the
Mae West hairstyle?
BOUDOIR
LOOK (left): Nicole Richie looks as though she's ready for bed in a
negligee but at least she is wearing the Tadashi Shoji maxi cape (prices
from £170- £450) correctly with arms exposed. SHAPELESS STYLE (right):
Stella McCartney amazes me with the trends she champions. This - a
sample from her 2015 collection and not made for sale - is a little
shapeless and burka-like but she wears int nonchalantly
TELL LAURA SHE'S LOVELY: TV presenter
Laura Whitmore looks lovely, Her 'This Love' caped dress by Cameo (£80)
is fine, delicate, not constricting or shroud-like and there's no
cleavage, thank goodness
JOLIE
RESTRICTING (left): Angelina Jolie in this capelet dress looks like
she's in a straight jacket, I wore a similar one to an awards do and
every time I lifted my arm the dress hit me in the mouth, exposing my
breasts. Ralph & Russo with prices up to £50,000. SHEER MISMATCH
(centre): I had thought Yasmin Le Bon could do no wrong, but this furry
vintage shrug clashes wildly with the sequin and sheer dress. Her arms
are fine on their own. SOFA SO BAD (right): Would you trust this woman
to choose cushions for your Chesterfield? Kelly Hoppen's possibly
vintage capelet conceals a dreadful monochrome outfit with gold belt and
side cleavage. All too much
I
hate capes, mainly because they render the wearer the silhouette of a
resting crow, all rounded shoulders and creepy demeanour. Even worse is
the mini-cape, otherwise known as a shrug, a ghastly breed of garment
that proliferates at Christmas as women at parties endeavour to cover
their upper arms. The worst mini-cape is one that is sequined or made of
fur: this instantly adds three decades to your age.
If you
must wear a cape, meaning you will not be able to hail a taxi or wave
without looking like a penguin, then far better over an evening dress is
something wool (Victoria Beckham wore a jumper to the British Fashion
Awards last month): I like the black knitted cape by Jigsaw, £89,
available from John Lewis: A runaway bestseller this season.
STONE THE
CROWS (left): Lucy Liu in a crow-like caped coat by Alexander McQueen
that costs a mere £1,895 and makes her arms look like a gorilla's. It's
not in the spirit of the cape- nonchalant and flowing. Ghastly. BACK IN
YOUR BOX (centre): TV presenter Kate Garraway shows why ordinary women
shouldn't follow catwalk trends. The boxy cape, costing £85 at Topshop,
is too coat-like, the trousers too Next-like. A veritable concertina of
fabric. CARPET BOMB (right): Nicole Scherzinger is wearing a £387
Tadashi Shoji number that looks like a carpet. She is curiously not
carrying a handbag
JO'S LOOK HAS LEGS: Jo Whitely looks
relaxed and pretty in this Shola caped dress (now reduced from £250 to
£175). It has a soft shape and some embellishment. The bare legs stop it
looking dreary
NIGHTMARE
ON NICKY STREET (left): Could flashy heiress Nicky Hilton scream fashion
more loudly? The bright blue cape, from Valentino, is like an obscene
jacket after an attack by Freddie Krueger, price around £1,300.
SHOULDER THE BLAME (right): I don't see the point of this. It's too
beige, making actress Portia de Rossi's legs look short. Not worn
correctly: one half of cape should be flung over shoulder for evening
wear. Georges Hobeika bridal trousersuit, 2014 Autumn collection, prices
unannounced
SHORT ON STYLE: Another attempt by
Nicole Scherzinger. This would look so much more chic if the cape was a
coat, slung over her shoulders. This makes her arms look freakishly
short, designer Gina Bacconi, £220
LUST FOR A GUST: Nancy Dell'Olio in a
Commes des Garcons tuxedo cape, which isn't too bad, at least we can
hope a strong gust of wind means she's smothered. From last year's
collection, prices from £500 to £600
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